26 December 2014 -- Today the Christmas Season collapsed in total exhaustion and was rushed to the emergency room. Unfortunately, the collapse occurred just as the Christmas Season was beginning. It seems the Christmas Season had been infected with a strain of the lucrum virus, which ended the life of the Advent Season a few weeks ago. The doctors said that when the Christmas Season arrived at the emergency room it was severely dehydrated and completely exhausted. Apparently the Christmas Season had been trying to pick up the slack left by the death of the Advent Season and started celebrating itself a few weeks ago. However, the celebrations were daily and some of them were out of control. It appears the hectic pace proved to be too much for it.
Upon hearing the news, the Pope was deeply saddened and visibly shaken. In fact, those who informed him said his face became as white as his cassock. He immediately asked that everyone cease celebrating Christmas, and asked that everyone begin taking down all the decorations. He did note, however, that the doctors told him if there were some who wanted to wait until New Year’s Day before taking down the decorations, they could probably do so without causing any more damage. The doctors also informed the pontiff that they were optimistic the Christmas Season will be able make a full recovery by next Thanksgiving. For that to happen, they gave strict orders that the Christmas Season be given plenty of rest, beginning immediately.
Those who would like to visit the Christmas Season and offer words of encouragement are asked to keep their visits as short as possible. In an effort to not upset the Christmas Season while visiting, you are asked to avoid saying “Merry Christmas” or anything that will remind the Christmas Season that is should be happening now. If you would like to visit the Christmas Season, it will be available in Catholic Churches everywhere until January 11, 2015. The attending doctors did confirm that the first visitor was Santa Claus. The details of the visit are sketchy because he apparently snuck in during the night. No one is quite sure how he entered and left the hospital without being seen by any of the adults who were on duty. They only know of the visit because of the children who claimed he also visited their rooms.
A young candy striper was making her rounds and said she saw Santa enter the Christmas Season’s room. She spoke on the promise of anonymity fearing that Santa would take her gifts away and give her coal. According to her report, she claims Santa said, “the Christmas Season got lucky this year because the paramedics arrived quickly and were able to revive it for a few hours.” In fact, many were remarking on Christmas Day how joy filled and robust the Christmas Season looked.
As already noted, however, despite all their efforts and the great job the paramedics did on December 24th to revive it, the Christmas Season collapsed sometime during the night and was rushed to the hospital. The anonymous source went on to note that Santa was jovial and looked stronger than ever. She also stated that she heard Santa say he was not giving up on his plan in which “he will get all the attention next year.” She was taken aback, however, when she heard him mumble that his plan includes “a stronger version of the lucrum virus that will rid the world of the Christmas Season altogether.” She said he then let out a raucous “Ho-Ho-Ho” and looked right at the Christmas Season and said, “Happy Holidays old man”. And then he sped away on his sleigh. No further details are available at this time.